The Olympics are over, and it’s time for THE MOTHERTWERKIN’ OLYMPICS !
OH SOCHI BETTER DIDNT!
EPISODE TWO! THE QUEENS WE’VE HEARD OF BEFORE! AND A FEW WE HAVEN’T! READY? SET? TWERK!
(It’s always best if you read these AFTER you’ve seen the latest episode OR While you watch. Cause we spoil shite! #Sorryboutit!)
…but first, the episode one girls get to have a fake party. SQUEE! Member how Adore cried, Ben served CREMECAKE, and Vi Vacious gave us EDGAR ALLEN HOE? No, well, you didn’t miss nothin’. Silly string! On flammable wigs! Beware Bitches! It’s all fun and games until Momma Ru comes out and tells everyone to GO TO BED!
Next day ~ Seven “new” queens enter!
Bianca Del Rio. Please be named after Vanessa Del Rio. Please. Oh! One of those DRAG QUEENS who’s actually “something else” (singer, actor, phlebotomist) but thinks DRAG is her way to “make it”. That’s not going to get old. Fast.
Trinity K. Bonet. Please be named after Lisa Bonet. Please. Oh! Her face is in chains to keep you safe from all the GLAMOUR!
Joselyn Fox. Please be named after…. oh fuck it! Ain’t no one named Joselyn ever been famous. But she’s cute and qwerky! Wah ~ wah!
MILK gives us TORO TORO TORO REALNESS! And Lauren Hutton smile. We’re all just a bunch of clown fuckers, aren’t we? (no). Can I be tired of club kids in drag? Cause I kinda am. Still, maybe she will bring some diversity to the group.
MAGNOLIA “SKI-JUMP” CRAWFORD. The nose. The nose. Bob Hope is rolling in his grave. And I agree with Trinity : I got Peg Bundy off her look, which isn’t a bad thing if you own it. Looks like she’ll try too hard and then get bitter if you don’t just fawn over her.
AND THEN COURTNEY ACT!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Joselyn pees a little. Courtney Girl , you in danger! Joselyn is a STALKER! Let’s be honest ~ SHE’S SO FISH she’s the whole AQUARIUM! Sorry, Gia. Here’s “real girl”. My blog is so FISHY RIGHT NOW! YAY!
AND THEN DARIENNE LAKE! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Giving face for DAZE! Love her! BIGGER! FASTER! STRONGER! I find her much funnier than Bianca. If one must insult, insult with charm. Like I do. Some times.
Again, the girls wonder why they only seven. Boy Ru gives them the T ~ already had seven girls, competered, and sashayed away. But these girls don’t get the whole PRIZE PACK review! How would they ever know what they are there for, editors?
Photo challenge wasn’t that exciting. A pillow fight? After girls have had to jump off buildings and swim with sharks? Maybe they could talk to the people over at ANTM for some CHALLENGE REALNESS! I want a bungee challenge! And I want Tyra Banks to be a guest judge!
SCRUFF gets their shout-out. Bianca gives CLOWN REALNESS. Trinity gives KELLY ROWLAND REALNESS. Joselyn gives us SANTA CLAUS REALNESS (and AZZ!). Courtney makes me want to watch BARRY MCKENZIE HOLDS HIS OWN! VEGAMITE REALNESS! Magnolia doesn’t want to be here. Milk is too tall to stand. In bed.
Darrianne bothers to learn people’s T. And names. They won’t be there that long, hunty! Trinity wins the photo shoot! YAY!
Boy Ru tells the girls this weeks main stage challenge: “WHY DONT YOU GO BACK TO PARTY CITY WHERE YOU BELONG?!’ Toga, Luau, Quincenana, St. Patrick’s. Princess, Republican, and HO DOWN!
Trinity takes Princess and gives everyone else their boxes. I didn’t read any shade here because, honestly? The choices were all lame. BUT THAT’S WHY IT’S A CHALLENGE!
Joselyn is fun! She’ll be a great “straight man” for Bianca this season, ala Burns and Allen I think.
Boy Ru reads Darianne’s process. Trinity reveals her K. stands for KARDASHIAN, not KRUNK. (Boo). I actually like Trinity too. Courtney is caught in the act! Bianca explains her sense of humour. And mine. Rolodex of hate? (Girl, we b sistahs). Magnolia doesn’t seem to get that there would be challenges, not just praise. She keeps saying glamourous trash queen. o.k. then MAKE IT WORK! Joselyn picks all the colours of the rainbow! SQUEE! Milk wants to serve jumpsuit, the way Fashion is always trying to get women to wear jumpsuits. WHY?!!!!!!!!
Special guest judge: PUFFY P. KARDASHIAN! (Wow! So last ep a failed American Idol got thrown before Adam Lambert and this ep a K-fan gets to meet Khloe! Let’s hope Courtney tells us how much she loves underground comedians and YAHOO SERIOUS is the guest judge!)
Milk wants to wear a beard. Yawn. Too club kid. Joselyn wants to ride that black horse. DON’T WE ALL! If Courtney already has a DEAL why would she want to sign with WORLD OF WONDER? INQUIRING MINDS!
TIME TO SISSY THAT RUNWAY! Look at Momma Ru in a good dress for once. You go quicksilver!
TRINITY comes out in white face. I CALL RACISM! (kidding). Who knew that when they told her PRINCESS she’d think AMADALA! Love her thought process! But you forgot to color your hands and feet, hunty!
BIANCA serves DON HOE REALNESS! Bitch makes costumes for Broadway. She better turn it out!
DARIENNE LAKE ~ Meh.
Magnolia Crawford really should consider making her character more of a Peg Bundy. It’s her vibe, she is just too angry to know it. And really bitch, a bow on your ass does not read hoedown! are you a true TRASH QUEEN or what?!
Joslyn looks more MARDI GRAS than quincearea but at least she tried. A fun bit of color.
Courtney relies on body ody ody. Psst! Court, the republican party is RED not blue. Her presentation reminds me of Willams when they had to dress up boats. Meh. Expected more.
MILK ~ looking like a wise old asian kung fu master from a Stephen Chow movie. This doesn’t read toga or XANADU at all! I think she’s a mess.
Everyone takes their critique pretty well except Magnolia. Girl just seems like she wants everyone to give her a fuckin’ ribbon just for showing up. Why so angry?
WINNAH ~ BIANCA!
LOSAHS ~ Magnolia and Darienne! Turn the beat around for your life!
Darienne knows the lyrics. Magnolia doesn’t even try. BYE BITCH!
All the queens are here, there is grass on the field : LET’S PLAY BALL!!!!!!
Can we call the top three for the season now? COURTNEY, BIANCA, DARIENNE. Group two has all the winners. And who is America’s Next Drag Superstar? I guess whoever signed with WORLD OF WONDER!
So, Khloe K. has a big moose knuckle and Lamar Oden has big balls. What else did you want to know?
~ Sarospice, you have to get people to like you!