Detox promises she will never bottom again. We see about THAT!
Jihnx isn’t getting the love she wants from #ROLAXATIVE! (which is so tired). Girl, sleep it off ~ you don’t need it. Only really insecure queens have to form cliques to feel better about themselves. Just ask JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS! Betchez.
(WARNING: It’s best to read these reviews AFTER you’ve seen the latest episode OR while you watch! I spoil it all! It’s not comic books, but it’s certainly queer!)
Back in the T-Room, the balls hit the walls! Boy Ru wants the girls to play MURDER IN THE DARK! ! YAY! Fun! NIGHT VISION make-overs!! The girl’s give BURQA REALNESS to reveal ~ LOVE ALASKA’S! But they give it to Detox. Meh. Girl got monkey lips.
For the main challenge the girls have to write and record a SUPER GROUP SONG ala “That’s What Friends Are For”! Detox picks her bitches in #ROLAXATIVE! Meh. Can we have a triple elimination? Please? And she then groups Alyssa and Coco together. ALSO TIRED OF THAT NON-DRAMA.
Studio Couture? FLASHBACK 80′s! If… you know… you weren’t born yet.
CAN I GET A MAN?! AMEN! Alyssa channels her inner GLEE.
#ROLAXATIVE aren’t worried. No, wait, Alaska is worried. She ain’t won yet.
HELLO HELLO HELLO!
Coco is going to take it to chuch! Alyssa? More like Chuch’s chicken! GET IT! GET IT! Never mind… HARUMPH! Lady Macbeth plants a seed in Jihnx’s ear. #Rolaxative? Shitty!
Lucien, Ru’s “producer”, is a cutie! Coco gets to start it off. She assumes he means THE DRAMA! No, not at all, doll! Alyssa? At least she tried to be funny. Ivy’s got the energy and the mohawk! Jinhx gives AAAAAAAAAAA ~ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ~ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ~ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ~ have no idea.
Roxxy isn’t perfect. We doesn’t know what a sequin is. Sequence? Si, Queenz!
Coco still feeling sta-gated. ‘Thank you Detox!” Detox ain’t trying to be dusty (Springfield ~ no chance of that!). Can the producers just let Coco be something other than ANGRY. I’m calling RACISM on the editors!
Back in the T-Room, the runway fashion is ‘BEST BODY PART’! Is Alaska gonna whip out that horse cock again? Detox says she’s had everything DONE so she’s just going to feature EVERYTHING! When she farts does it sound like a Tupperware “burp”? So, it’s o.k. For GIRLS to have had work done but not if they had it done to “BE” GIRLS, is that the rule, Ru? SHADE!
RUNWAY TIME! WITH EXTRA SPECIAL GUEST JUDGES: Whatevah’s left of THE POINTER SISTERS and Whatevah’s left of LATOYA JACKSON!
FUN FACT: They all appeared on WE ARE THE WORLD! FUN “other” FACT: NOT as featured singers, oh goddess no! Just to seat-fill the promo shots of USA FOR AFRICA! Still, I’d rather have my singing critiqued by RuPaul then say Nicki Minaji!
Cocoa : Best body part? Those fake ass blue contacts she always be wearing! SMALL INTESTINE REALNESS!
See! Alyssa and I agree!
Jade: Features her arms? Really, girl? REALLY? really?
Ivy: PICTURE DRESS! LOVE it!
Jihnx: Doesn’t bother to blend. Meh. Over it!
Roxxy: Gives us big girl BAM!
Alaska: It’s called The Clavicle, dear.
Detox: Gives us ASStitude! “burp”!
CAN I GET AN AMEN? Only a “portion’ of the proceeds go to the GLBT Homeless Youth Center. Momma got to eat too! Wigs ain’t free.
Did Latoya Jackson REALLY say someone else couldn’t sing? Then did she really give us that fake laugh? MICHAEL PLEASE!
Thank you for calling #Rolaxative out on they shite! CLITS can be dangerous! Alaska gives us some tears. I don’t feel bad. Are you Sharon Needles?
See! Michael Visage and I agree!
WINNAH: IVY WINTERS!
THE BOTTOMS: COCO and JADE! THE SHADE OF IT ALL!
The lip sync? More “slow hand” than “neutron dance”! Neither queen “jump”ed for Ru’s love. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?! Yes you can can!
Coco, you stay! Jade? you can joli away!
And just remember if you’re not THE GREATEST DANCER, WE ARE STILL FAMILY!
(That was SISTER SLEDGE, SARO!) AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MEN!