Once upon a time there was an ugly duckling, who wanted to grow up to be a beautiful swan! So she got herself some COLOR, beat her mug, a pair of CHA CHA HEELS, glamourous gown, and SISSIED those tail featherz! Is this the story of SAROSPICE?
Or the latest episode of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE? You make the call!
(WARNING: It’s best to read these reviews AFTER you’ve seen the latest episode OR while you watch! I spoil it all! It’s not comic books, but it’s certainly queer!) Either way you can bet your last money, it’s all gonna be a stone gas, HUNTY!
Mz. M.B. Hillz is gone. Boo! Then YAY! cause now the competition is what it should be: BOYS IN DRESSES! Who wants real fish?! Anyone? Treacher? Arthur Treacher?!
Coco laments her parting but then Jade would be sad if Coco had to leave. They fast friends now. Coco and Jade sitting in a tree! Have none of these kids seen ALL ABOUT EVE?! Cause I see a pattern here! Coco gets into competitions, befriends someone, and then BOOM! Everything but the bloodhounds snappin’ at her rear end! (I detest cheap sentiment).
MORE DIVA DRAMA: Jujubee is upset that Ru critiqued her energy as being too low and the other girls outshined her. Which is true! Wait, what? It’s not Juju? I’m so sorry, I meant Ongina, girl is upset because she.. huh? My bad! Her name is Vivienne? Vivienne Piney? Huh. Guess she’s just not that memorable. Or original. Or anything really. Roxxxy sees a weakens and like a velociraptor POUNCES! Vi is pissed. Everyone is an attention whore and she’s a pretty girl. A pretty girl, damn you! Hold the princess phone, darling! A drag queen ~ calling other drag queens ~ ATTENTION WHORES?! You in the wrong line of business, sweetie!
SHE MAIL TIME! HELLO HELLO HELLO!
Once you go black swan, you never go back swan! Can you dig it? I knew that you could! Don Cornelius gives the girl’s their next challenge: SOUL TRAIN DANCE LINE! SQUEE!
Can we talk: No one wins this. Not an once of bounce in the bunch. Sorry chicken nuggets, it’s all flailing cock! Not to mention: Andrew Christian Underwear. Oops! Guess I mentioned it. Tither!
But we need team leaders for the next challenge so oh, COCO and JINHX. It’s NO RUPOLIGIZIES! Member when Willam came up with that term? Good Times.
Suddenly, THE FACE CRACK OF THE YEAR! AGAIN! Coco starts by picking ALYSSA! (It seems bitch owns and operates a dance studio). Then, DOESN’T pick her BFF Jade! THE JADE SHADE OF IT ALL!
Vivienne finds herself on a team of loud mouths. Harumph! IT’S A DRAG COMPETITION! Sorry sister, no sympathy.
Ivy works for The Lady Bunny. Drag is a petri dish. Alaska can’t dance. Don’t ask her. (PLEEZ!) Coco wants her and Alyssa to be GOOD RU vs. BAD RU. Roxxy wants Vivienne to be on her team. Does Vi speak up? NO!
Lineysha is going to play 60′s DIANA ROSS! A DRAG QUEEN’S DREAM!
Bitch doesn’t know Diana Ross. A drag queen who doesn’t know Diana Ross.
Alaska is going to be ERNESTINE! YAY! Oh, not that one…. Nevermind.
Honey also pulls THE BOSS MISS ROSS ~ and knows nothing about her.
WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH THE CHILDREN SOME HER STORY!
Vi decides she is just going to be herself and if people don’t like it so be it!
K. So we can just send you home now, right?
BALLET TIME! WITH BALLET BOYZ TRAVIS AND NICK! Meow! Let’s just spay and neuter these bitches! WITH THE DANCE! Most of the girls give a little grace except Alaska. To be fair, Trav and Nick do give the girls a lot to remember.
LOVED ALYSSA’S PSYCH! LOVE THE UGLY FACE GAME! This episode, I warmed to her. Perhaps the truth is Miss Gay America just wasn’t for her. Lord knows, I’ll never try “sounding” again!
ROLASKATOX! In case you forgot.
Honey’s parents sent her to Africa when they found a photo of her in drag. WHAT PARENT CAN AFFORD THAT? AND CAN THEY ADOPT ME?!
Dance is Alyssa’s world. Jade give Coco shade. Being a bottom just works for her!
RUNWAY TIME ~ WITH EXTRA SPECIAL GUEST:
one of the ballet boyz we alretz met Travis? Nick? Whichevz! and CHAZ BONO! THE CHAZ BONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUN CHAZ BONO FACT: Many things can claim to have gone into Cher’s vagina, but few can claim to have COME OUT! Just CHAZ BONO! Well, and Elijah Blue. Her too!
ALASKA gives us MOMMY DEAREST realness!
I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at the dirt!
Lineysha still didn’t google Diana Ross. Gives us washed out Rhianna a.k.a. just Rhianna.
Jihnx and Ivy sell us Ru and Bunny in an interesting original way.
Alyssa is selling MILA KUNIS! Everyone else. Meh. Really surprised at how bad Detox looks. Vivienne? A boy in a dress. Again. It’s all she got. The girls give us one more look which we speed thru for some reason. Guess the judges aren’t judging these looks. If so, Ivy should have saved her VICTOR/VICTORIA for when it mattered.
- LE JIZZ HOT!
(This week two of her giving us someone else’s style. I get that she makes these herself but then just be seamstress honey, not SHOWGIRL!)
Viv: faded. Boy. In. A. Dress. At. The. Mall. Honey: CAFTAN REALNESS! Which I love but what else, honey? Everyone reads Viv and Honey as TIME TO GO HOME. Alyssa picks Jade.
BOTTOM TWO: VIV and HONEY. Makes sense. But are these bitchez ready to LIP SYNC FOR THEIR LIVES?!!!! No. And it’s BRITNEY, BITCH!
Another diva EVERY drag queen should be able to werk since she’s just a drag queen herself!
No energy. So boring to watch. So what now? Someone’s got to go home…..
FACE CRACK OF THE YEAR! AGAIN! AGAIN!
Ru send them both home! YES!
The mandibles depress, hunty!
THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!
Totally agree with Ru’s decision.
Of couse bitch has 13 episodes to fill so get ready for the “WHO DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE” episode.
I do think Honey had more to show. Vivienne gives us the FISHIEST QUEEN speech which ANY ASIAN IN A DRESS can claim. We need more than pretty. We need AMERICA’S NEXT DRAG SUPERSTAR!
Because if you can’t lip sync for your life, how in the hell you gonna lip sync for.. um, OH NEVERMIND! HARUMPH!